The First Thing Said

So this is what the end of this universe looks like. I thought there would be less people. Now I’m single again. It’s been 20 years. OK….now that that’s out of the way…I’m doing okay. I started this blog to explore ideas and chat to some of the people I can’t seem to cross paths with that often in person. The sun is shining and it’s a new day, though it’s brutally cold and to step outside is to glide along a knife edge of ice and horrible uncertainty. That’s every day. It changes quickly and everything is thawed by the warmth and laughter of my friends. I’m thankful. They know I carry my hurt everywhere I go so it’s no surprise that sadness is often mentioned when my name comes up lately. I keep myself busy with work, video games, going to the gym…sleep when I have no choice…
Much like the people close to me who’ve passed on, the thought of how I’m dealing with the death of my relationship pops up randomly and is triggered by unexpected things. It was a mutual thing…this breakup. There’s no animosity but I can see the potential for anger and distance that HAS to be created for the sake of both our mental states. We can’t move on or grieve at all as long as we’re still being haunted by the ghosts of our past. We’re working on that…though I see the resistance to give up any emotional ground on both our parts. To cry is to admit defeat. To be angry is to make a tactical error. All we seem to be doing is staring at each other menacingly, daring the other to cross the border and invade so we can go to war and finally be done with this. We had a chance for peace but so much time had passed we had forgotten what it took to enjoy the simplicity of each others company.
Now what you ask? Good question. I’m beginning to rediscover a life I had buried for the last decade or so. I’m writing again, singing again, and spending time with the people I love whenever possible. Life is short and my only choice is to embrace it, complete with all the triumphs and defeats I can experience. I just want to live an honest and simple life, finding joy in comfortable silences. One day I’m sure things will hit me like a ton of bricks but by then I hope the foundation I’m working on is more than strong enough to take the hit.

-Peace.
Jim.

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